If you’re in Autistic Burnout, you might feel completely drained—and at the same time, unable to properly rest.
You stop, you lie down, you try to take things off your plate… but your body still feels tense, your mind won’t switch off, and nothing actually restores your energy.
This can be confusing and discouraging, especially when it seems like rest should be the solution.
But in Autistic Burnout, the problem often isn’t that you’re not resting enough.
It’s that your mind and body don’t yet feel safe enough to let you rest.
Why You Feel So Exhausted in Autistic Burnout
Often when people stumble upon my resources, they are really struggling with a lack of energy, and there is always a desire to get more energy when we are in Autistic Burnout.
Unfortunately, in order to get more energy, you first need to rest and recuperate after an extended period of high stress.
And even more unfortunately, getting rested and recuperated isn’t possible when you are still highly stressed.
Your threat system (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) is still in overdrive. You are still being flooded with cortisol, and your mind and body won’t actually let you relax because it doesn’t feel safe.
After months or years of chronic stress, turning off your threat system isn’t something you can do quickly.
Why You Can’t Relax or Rest (Even When You Try)
This is why, inside Basecamp, we talk about gradually winding down your threat system.
Gradually increasing your feelings of safety.
Because when your system is still on high alert, “rest” doesn’t land as rest.
You might:
- Lie down but stay tense
- Try to relax but feel restless or wired
- Stop doing things but still feel mentally “on”
- Feel like nothing is actually restoring you
This isn’t a failure of effort. Your threat state is designed to keep you alive in dangerous situations.
And after long periods of stress, (which you body interprets as danger) your body doesn’t shift out of that threat state quickly.
The Real Problem: Your Mind and Body don’t Feel Safe Yet
So instead of trying to force rest or chase more energy directly, we start somewhere gentler:
We focus on increasing safety in small, tolerable ways.
We ask the question ‘what helps you feel a little bit safer?’
Adding these little things into our days, gradually over time, helps us to feel safer and more able to rest without costing too much energy.
Of course different people find different things help them to feel safe. I wanted to provide a list of ideas from people other than myself, to give you a range of ideas that might help you personally.
I asked my mailing list community to provide me with a list of small things that make them feel a little bit safer. With their permission, I wanted to share them here to give you some ideas of things that might help to slightly reduce your threat system activation.
As always, please listen to what you already know about yourself. If you already know some or all of these won’t be helpful for you personally, then please don’t do them.
If you aren’t sure, consider trying the one that sounds the easiest or most appealing to you, and notice whether it makes you feel a bit better, a bit worse, or no different.
30+ Small Ways to Feel Safer in Autistic Burnout
Saying to myself, I can do this, or, I have overcome hard things before and I can again.
Visualisation, such as seeing myself succeed at doing the hard thing.
And for when I am calming down in preparation for rest: Putting a hand over my heart and visualising the warmth soaking into my heart and body.
Curling up with a blanket and hot drink.
My “mom bag” which has all the essentials I might need while outside of my home. From ear plugs to wipes and snacks to mouthwash. It’s got everything I need to take care of myself and others during errands, adventures, and hangouts.
Not having any appointments in the diary for the day
Having an exit strategy/script from a situation
Eating same foods with preparation that doesn’t tax my executive functioning skills.
Wearing soft comfortable clothing.
Having an engrossing non-triggering book to read.
Self-administered deep pressure e.g. by using a foam roller in pilates.
When leaving the house, it’s always having my hat and notebook and pen. At home, I feel safe knowing where my important things are, my notebooks and reading books.
Having my back to something, so I don’t have to worry about what is behind me. For example, sitting in the corner of my couch, or at church, sitting in a pew that touches the wall, or, at a restaurant, sitting in a booth instead of in the middle of the room.
My most favorite time of day is when I am in bed. I love my bed. The weight of the blankets make me feel safe. The darkness and quiet soothe my senses. I can hear the hum of the fans in my children’s bedrooms across the hall. All of my kids are in bed, the dog is in our laundry room, and my chickens are safe in their coop. Nothing needs to be done in this moment, no chores, no work deadlines, just sleep.
Just the act of being outside with my garden helps enormously and does make me feel safe….the tiniest thing like touching a plant or feeling the soil or sunlight on my skin are so surprisingly restorative.
Hugging my plushies, smelling my plush bunny because the scent immediately calms me down and covering up under my weighted blankie.
Something low energy that helps me feel safer is cuddling in a pillow nest with a cup of tea and a murder mystery, and maybe a weighted blanket. Or whatever kind of book you tend to get totally engrossed in and lose track of time. I like mysteries because they have straightforward black and white morality where the good guys always win in the end, so they’re like fairy tales for adults.
I find that sharing my burnout or struggles with another person who is kind and accepting can help me feel safe. I realize this is a privilege that not all may have, and that at times I have shared with my neurotypical partner who just doesn’t get it, so I recommend sharing with another autistic person. Saying that I can’t go to Costco because it is too loud and chaotic and then having that met with, “That makes a lot of sense, I can see why you’d feel that way” or some other affirming response is so validating.
Hand stitching and putting even a small space in order.
Lavender essential oil – I just open the bottle and take a big whiff.
Being quiet and still.
Having my “essentials” nearby. So like, I like having little bundles in my common places of lip balm, some pain killers, a nail file. So that they’re there and I know and don’t have to stress about trying to find them!
Silence feels so regulating and if I can’t help the noise around me, isolating myself and playing music I know well with noise cancelling headphones is very soothing. I have had the same songs for over a decade and they never get boring to me and help me to feel safe because I know how they go very well.
Hot water bottles (one on my chest and one on my feet or anywhere else that’s either cold or achey).
Embroidery, just doing a few stitches can help.
Knitting (particularly socks as they’re small and portable).
A neck fan.
Hugging someone I love, even just the thought of it can help.
Lavender essential oil.
Karl Jenkins Benedictus from The Armed Man and specifically this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c2GPnTSGRk is my safe space – I have it on my phone for instant access wherever I am.
Rediscovering yoga, l have a number of joints problems, but just doing some of the 10 minute, beginners class, makes me feel much better. I have more movement and less pain in my lower back and right hip, result. I am not up to longer classes yet but that’s ok because looking after our own health is a marathon not a sprint!
Having a cup of tea in the garden, to get some sunshine
Looking at nature in my garden and when energy permits at my local parks, lifts my spirit enormously, as l have seen ladybirds, black birds, squirrels and other people walking their dogs, makes me smile.
I find Jan Winhall’s felt sense polvagal exercises really helpful- thinking about a time you felt safe and experiencing that ventral state in the body.
IFS self energy practices help promote safety too, and helps parts see that the system can feel and experience safety/ calm etc.
Frozen and canned veggies and meals readily available.
Listening to the same song on repeat. Comforting, known, predictable
Playing the same game on my switch
Watching funny youtube comedy shorts
Eating “childish” snacks throughout the day instead of big meals.
Doing bee (humming) breath for 5 to 10 minutes each day.
Lying on the floor with my lower legs resting at 90 degrees on the sofa. I had chronic lower back and pelvis pain for years and this has made a huge difference and it’s soooo relaxing. Wish I’d known about it sooner.
Noise cancelling headphones or loops.
Watching birds.
You Don’t Have to Do All of This
I hope that at least one of these helps you feel a little bit safer and a little bit more able to rest.
Silence feels so regulating for some people. For others, noise-cancelling headphones and familiar music help. Some people need softness, others need pressure, others need predictability.
There is no single correct way to do this.
Just small signals of safety—enough to begin shifting you out of your ‘threat’ state, gently, over time.
Autistic Burnout Recovery Starts With Safety, Not Effort
In Autistic Burnout, recovery doesn’t usually come from pushing harder or trying to force rest.
It comes from gently and consistently helping your mind and body feel safer—so that rest and energy can return over time.
That’s exactly what I guide people through inside my course.
We focus on:
- Understanding your own burnout patterns
- Gradually reducing threat system activation
- Building a personalised sense of safety that actually works for your brain and body
At your own pace, and without overwhelming yourself further.
If you’d like more structured support with this, you can learn more here: www.dralicenicholls.com/authenticity-basecamp
Whatever you choose, I hope at least one small thing from this list helps you feel a little safer—and a little more able to rest.
I am an Autistic Clinical Psychologist specialising in Autistic Burnout if you would like to know more about my work please check out my:
- Mailing list community for people who want to receive helpful information and resources about Autistic Burnout.
- Free short course on How to Break the Cycle of Autistic Burnout (link goes straight to registration page)
- Authenticity Basecamp: A 90 day support programme for people in the early stages of recovering from Autistic Burnout who want to get calmer, clearer and more supported.
- Authenticity: The Course and Community: For late-realised, high-masking Autistic adults who want to build more sustainable, authentic lives and break free of the cycle of Autistic Burnout for good.
